The New State
September
3, 1999
The negotiators were literally trying to pound out
an agreement. Loud raucous voices, fists slamming down on tables, chairs
scrapping on the floor; these were the sounds emanating from behind the closed
door. The deadline for the proposed
agreement was rapidly approaching and the impasse seemed beyond all hope. The
implications of failure were catastrophic; both sides has issued ultimatums
which, on the face of it, spelled disaster.
Finally quiet prevailed. One by one the negotiators
filed out of the room, dismal expressions of defeat clouding their faces. The
last out stopped in front of the waiting journalists, stared into the cameras,
and issued a dispiriting one-line statement:
"The Prime Minister and the Chairman will meet in three days in an
attempt to reach final agreement."
The whole world held its breath. Three days - three
days to find a solution. The alternative was world conflagration, beginning in
the Middle East.
The Israelis sat and paced, the Arabs paced and
sat, each searching for a formula acceptable, promising peace and prosperity
for all. To no avail.
On the third day, the two leaders met at the border
crossing, the site of many previous meetings. Their faces exuded pessimism -
they didn't even shake hands, as was their wont. Each was accompanied by two
aids. The future of the world depended on these six people - these six people
alone.
The discussion began slowly, each side trying to
feel out the other's position. It quickly heated up and before long observers
outside were fearful for the room's occupants.
It was reported that hurried phone calls were being placed to the
Americans and Russians, and even to the Europeans. Perhaps a compromise was at
hand?
For forty-eight hours no one entered the room and
no one stepped foot outside. Food and drink were pushed inside on carts. It
seemed that all hope was lost. But then the impossible happened. The door
opened and the leaders emerged, wearing weary smiles of victory.
"Ladies and Gentlemen of the Press, citizens
around the world, we are happy to inform you that an agreement has been
reached. These are the details:
We realized long ago that the traditional peace
sought is unobtainable. Land concessions and security are contradictory terms.
Whoever controls the land is secure. Whoever is without land is at risk.
We also realized that the two nations, each
claiming the land for itself, each nation desiring to be free and independent
of the other, would never be able to live side by side. This conflict,
extending over thousands of years, will never be concluded by a signed piece of
paper. So, we had to come up with an original solution, acceptable to both
sides. Thankfully, that is what we have done.
A short time ago we reached a decision and were
able to successfully conclude the negotiations. It was very difficult, and at
times seemed impossible. However, we have breached the wall between us.
In order to reach this successful conclusion we had
no choice but to flip a coin. Many hours were spent arguing about which coin we
would use, what denomination is would be, from which country it would
originate, who would actually flip the coin and of course, lastly, but most
importantly, how we would decide who has heads and who has tails. With
international intervention, and at this point we must thank the Americans,
Russians, and Europeans for their incalculable assistance, we overcame these
difficulties.
Eventually the coin was flipped, not here in this
room, but on an international freighter in the middle of the Pacific Ocean.
Representatives of our peoples, together with the above-mentioned nations,
proceeded to toss a coin originating in Oslo into the air. We decided on a
one-time, winner-takes-all, procedure. That has been accomplished. We will soon
begin implementation of the results.
Shortly, special photographers, using equipment not
yet available to the public-at-large will commence with their work. The secret
to their success is a new processing which develops actual three-dimensional
pictures, both video and stills. They will scour the entire country, from North
to South, from East to West. International guarantees have been granted.
Nothing, but nothing, will be missed.
A team of experts will then process the film and
production will begin. We expect to view the final product within a month, as
they will work around the clock.
The most difficult stage of the negotiations dealt
with the location of the final product. We are convinced that we have reached
an agreement fair to both sides, and here again, with impeccable international
promises.
As soon as all is ready a space capsule will be
launched. Its destination will be the moon. All parties involved have
guaranteed that this will be the last moon mission ever. Astronauts
representing all our peoples will be responsible to set up the equipment and
begin broadcasting. This should be accomplished within three months from today,
as we have agreed and signed.
As soon as the station is up and running I will
make my final announcement, as my people and I line up on the beaches in front
of the Mediterranean sea. Yes, in answer to your questions, we have supplied
guarantees that THE SEA WILL NOT PART. International observers to be present,
just to make sure.
At that time, as we begin marching for the sake of
international peace, it will be my greatest honor to declare the creation of
the new State, (to be recognized of course, by the United Nations) of
Virtual_Israel.
