Friday, September 3, 1999

The New State

 The New State
September 3, 1999

The negotiators were literally trying to pound out an agreement. Loud raucous voices, fists slamming down on tables, chairs scrapping on the floor; these were the sounds emanating from behind the closed door.  The deadline for the proposed agreement was rapidly approaching and the impasse seemed beyond all hope. The implications of failure were catastrophic; both sides has issued ultimatums which, on the face of it, spelled disaster.

Finally quiet prevailed. One by one the negotiators filed out of the room, dismal expressions of defeat clouding their faces. The last out stopped in front of the waiting journalists, stared into the cameras, and issued a dispiriting one-line statement:  "The Prime Minister and the Chairman will meet in three days in an attempt to reach final agreement."

The whole world held its breath. Three days - three days to find a solution. The alternative was world conflagration, beginning in the Middle East.

The Israelis sat and paced, the Arabs paced and sat, each searching for a formula acceptable, promising peace and prosperity for all. To no avail.

On the third day, the two leaders met at the border crossing, the site of many previous meetings. Their faces exuded pessimism - they didn't even shake hands, as was their wont. Each was accompanied by two aids. The future of the world depended on these six people - these six people alone.

The discussion began slowly, each side trying to feel out the other's position. It quickly heated up and before long observers outside were fearful for the room's occupants.  It was reported that hurried phone calls were being placed to the Americans and Russians, and even to the Europeans. Perhaps a compromise was at hand?

For forty-eight hours no one entered the room and no one stepped foot outside. Food and drink were pushed inside on carts. It seemed that all hope was lost. But then the impossible happened. The door opened and the leaders emerged, wearing weary smiles of victory.

"Ladies and Gentlemen of the Press, citizens around the world, we are happy to inform you that an agreement has been reached. These are the details:

We realized long ago that the traditional peace sought is unobtainable. Land concessions and security are contradictory terms. Whoever controls the land is secure. Whoever is without land is at risk.

We also realized that the two nations, each claiming the land for itself, each nation desiring to be free and independent of the other, would never be able to live side by side. This conflict, extending over thousands of years, will never be concluded by a signed piece of paper. So, we had to come up with an original solution, acceptable to both sides. Thankfully, that is what we have done.

A short time ago we reached a decision and were able to successfully conclude the negotiations. It was very difficult, and at times seemed impossible. However, we have breached the wall between us.

In order to reach this successful conclusion we had no choice but to flip a coin. Many hours were spent arguing about which coin we would use, what denomination is would be, from which country it would originate, who would actually flip the coin and of course, lastly, but most importantly, how we would decide who has heads and who has tails. With international intervention, and at this point we must thank the Americans, Russians, and Europeans for their incalculable assistance, we overcame these difficulties.

Eventually the coin was flipped, not here in this room, but on an international freighter in the middle of the Pacific Ocean. Representatives of our peoples, together with the above-mentioned nations, proceeded to toss a coin originating in Oslo into the air. We decided on a one-time, winner-takes-all, procedure. That has been accomplished. We will soon begin implementation of the results.

Shortly, special photographers, using equipment not yet available to the public-at-large will commence with their work. The secret to their success is a new processing which develops actual three-dimensional pictures, both video and stills. They will scour the entire country, from North to South, from East to West. International guarantees have been granted. Nothing, but nothing, will be missed.

A team of experts will then process the film and production will begin. We expect to view the final product within a month, as they will work around the clock.

The most difficult stage of the negotiations dealt with the location of the final product. We are convinced that we have reached an agreement fair to both sides, and here again, with impeccable international promises.

As soon as all is ready a space capsule will be launched. Its destination will be the moon. All parties involved have guaranteed that this will be the last moon mission ever. Astronauts representing all our peoples will be responsible to set up the equipment and begin broadcasting. This should be accomplished within three months from today, as we have agreed and signed.

As soon as the station is up and running I will make my final announcement, as my people and I line up on the beaches in front of the Mediterranean sea. Yes, in answer to your questions, we have supplied guarantees that THE SEA WILL NOT PART. International observers to be present, just to make sure.

At that time, as we begin marching for the sake of international peace, it will be my greatest honor to declare the creation of the new State, (to be recognized of course, by the United Nations) of Virtual_Israel.